Free flow of thoughts ✨: The Beauty of Co-Existence 🌼

Madumitha Selvaraj, Bridgewood#

Human beings have been sharing space since time immemorial. The concept of co-existence is a part of our lives and has multiple aspects and challenges to it. In a gated community like ours, I often wonder how we practice co-existence in a way that does not lead to friction or misunderstandings with others around us.

There is an interesting idea in psychology called “Both/and Thinking”. It talks about how two seemingly contradictory thoughts can co-exist. Many times, we follow a rigid way of thinking when it comes to expressing our ideas or emotions. We go by the “either-or”, ”Black or white” or “all or nothing” formula. This means that between two ideas or points of view, one cannot exist while the other does. It’s a surprise that our minds sometimes look at every scenario dichotomously. We forget or realise too late, that, seemingly opposing ideas can and do co-exist. 

For example, we feel conflicted about taking up a challenging project at work because there is a fear that it would mean we get to spend less time with family. We are choosing between “Ready to take on the challenge at work” and “Gives priority to family” labels.

Another example is when we discipline our kids. Parenting almost always has a phase where we are dealing with conflicting emotions. Do we want to be known as the “strict parent that always shows the right path” or the “friendly dad or mom who will indulge and get the kids to come around”? The situation is further complicated because sometimes we know the results only when it is too late to change our choice. 

It is in such instances; we need to think of the “Both/and” skill. I can feel this AND that. I can accept BOTH sides of the argument. To enable that part of us that will allow conflicting emotions to co-exist. Much like a gated community, where we have people of different religions, ethnicity, and mindset. So what are the “Both/And” factors that will help us co-exist? Yes, we celebrate festivals together and support each other during times of crisis (as we saw during COVID). But, co-existing, at its core is more than celebrations and support during a crisis. It means allowing other people their thoughts and ideas and also, sometimes, bending our points of view to allow another’s to take centre stage. 

Research shows that when people with different mindsets and varying emotional responses to a given situation work together, brainstorming leads to creative ways of resolving conflicts and arriving at effective and efficient solutions. But for this to become a reality, we need to believe. Believe that we can have our differences and co-exist because it is those differences that both define us as well as introduce us to new ways of thinking. After all what better way is there to grow than to be open to new ways of ideating, analysing, and deciding? 

For close to 7 years, I have been a member of this large community with myriad cultures and people of all shades and hues. As a therapist, I am fascinated by all the different ways in which we all click and sync. However, it is when we have our differences come to the forefront that we need to challenge and push ourselves to be more united and allow others their opinions and expressions.

Being accommodative of conflicting emotions and looking at and accepting both sides of the coin is something that we all need to exhibit as individuals in a community. By working through the uncertainty of a new or(seemingly) opposing idea, we are expanding our minds to the possibility of turning that same uncertainty into a certainty. One that would be rooted in reason and truth. 

Here's to embracing differences and moving from a binary either/or mindset to “Both/And”

(The author can be reached through email at counsellormadumitha@gmail.com)